Hello to whoever is out there! I apologize for my 2 month hiatus. I was in Estrogen Land putting the finishing touches on my wedding.
I am relieved and happy (and a little bored butinagoodway) now that it is finally over. I am now attempting to resume life as normal (just with a new last name) and impatiently waiting for all of the checks I wrote to freakin’ CLEAR already so that I can balance my damn checking account. Along the lines of resuming normal life, I am happy to report that I am cutting all ties with the wedding world.
That’s right! I am graciously giving up wedding blogs, episodes of “Say Yes to the Dress",” and my obsession with weather.com (outdoor wedding + expensive non-refundable tent deposit = weather induced anxiety) Andrew
made me promise to give them up once the wedding was over is really excited about this. And actually, I am too. Because weddings are just overly commercialized and if I have learned one thing, obsessing about any wedding related detail is just a waste of time. Because no matter how many dress fittings you have, it probably won’t stay put (or look the same) once you get dancing. And no matter how many times you walk through the venue with your caterer, they will probably still forget something. And no matter how much you obsess about the weather, if it rains, it rains. I’d like to meet any bride (zilla or otherwise) who can do anything about the weather. (Disclaimer: this is hindsight. I realize that for the week fifteen days before the wedding I was a total nutcase about weather. I’m just trying to pass on my two cents with the hopes of saving someone else from such unnecessary stress.)
It turned out to be an amazing day, weather –wise. I stayed calm and collected and then drank too much and sort of ruined the end of the night (and all of the pictures). But if you know me in person, you know that this is pretty much how I roll and probably wouldn’t expect my wedding/most important day of my life thus far to be any different.
So there was that.
Then there was the awesome incident of me falling and spraining BOTH of my ankles 6 weeks ago. So those runs I was training for (10miler and 5k) didn’t happen. In fact, for almost 3 weeks, NO exercise happened.
(Can you imagine how much fun I was to be around?)
I cried for the first 2 days after I fell about how I couldn’t do the runs and all of my hard work went out the door. And then I argued with Andrew about how I was going to be fine in 2 weeks. And then I got pissed off at myself for being clumsy. And then I (finally) accepted my fate and decided to make the best of it.
Turns out, it was a blessing in disguise. I was going too hard, too fast, too often. I wasn’t present. I was just hustling around and pushing myself too much. I’m not a very good listener when it comes to these things. So the Universe took matters into its own hands.
I couldn’t even get my sorry butt out of bed, let alone walk. So I rested, slept a lot and really focused on healing. I did everything they told me to: rest, ice,compression, elevation for 3 weeks STRAIGHT. Here’s the thing. I have sprained my ankle at least 2-3 times per year for the past ten years. I always take a week or so off from running (but still do other things), I start to feel better and I’m off again. 4 months later it happens again. Rinse, repeat.
I’m tired of being hurt all the time so I’m taking recovery seriously this time. My doctor said I could do any activity that didn’t hurt with the exception of running. So I tried the elliptical. After 3 minutes, it hurt like hell. Old Becky would have kept going and worked through the pain. This time, I got off. I gave up the idea that if I wasn’t killing myself, I wasn’t healthy.
I have made very good friends with the recumbant bike. I feel SO lame doing it, but its the only thing that doesn’t seriously irritate my ankles. I have stopped obsessing over getting to the gym everyday and instead, go when I feel like it. I focus on core stuff, arms and whatever light cardio I can do pain free. And I’ll be damned if I haven’t lost 7 pounds and my blood pressure is finally (comfortably) in a good place.
My theory is that I was being so rigid with my training and my working out and not ever giving myself a break that I was just a walking ball of stress and anxiety about the run and my appearance. Stress is a major culprit when it comes to weight gain, there’s plenty of evidence to demonstrate that. Its really nice waking up without the feeling of dread, knowing I have to get in a workout at some point.
So I just decided to watch what I eat, relax, gym it up when I felt like it, and CHILL OUT. (Note: chilling out is REALLY hard for me. But I did the best that I possibly could.)
And, when all was said and done, if I hadn’t gotten hurt, I (may) have looked a little better in my wedding dress, but it wouldn’t have changed how happy I was or how amazing I felt. That was going to happen no matter what.