Monday, September 22, 2008

Body Bugg + Weekened= UGH

I've been wearing the Body Bugg since Thursday and I have to admit, it is seriously a LOT of work. Measuring every bit of food, counting every calorie-its hard work. And most of the time, I'm STARVING. My body is definitely not used to running on a 1000+ calorie deficit. But I am learning a lot about my body and my lifestyle. For one, I am a LOT more active than I thought I was. On an average day, I have no trouble at all burning my target calories. In fact, I've been over my target by about 800 calories pretty consistently since Thursday. I'm also learning how many damn calories are in the things that I love the MOST (like bread and cheese). I made us a homemade pizza for dinner on Friday. Andrew laughed as I weighed and measured every single ingredient and then divided it into portions. Everything I used was organic and natural and one tiny slice still ended up being 228 calories! UGH!
Friday I skipped my usual "with dinner" beer altogether and on Saturday had 2 glasses of wine with dinner (100 calories each). But yesterday was football day and it was REALLY tough. The Tap Room has the greatest beers ever (Miller Lite and Coors Lite do not exist here) so I couldn't go there and order wine. But our cable went out and I HAD to watch the Eagles beat the Steelers, so I settled in at the bar and had a delicious wheat beer. To be fair to me, I drank it pretty slow and only had 3 the entire time I was there. (I would usually put away 6 or 7 during a game). So I drank about 600 of my calories yesterday and even with the beautiful looooong 15 mile bike ride Andrew and I went on yesterday, I was STILL under my target calories to burn for the day. I had a breakdown because I was STARVING (thats what happens when you DRINK all of your calories). I felt like such a failure for not meeting my target. The only reason I drank was because I had been going over my target by so much, I figured I would make up for it. But I didn't. And I got seriously upset. Andrew took my Body Bugg away and told me I could have it back in the morning. I started crying because I know that this is why diets and plans and things of the sort never work for me: because I get too rigid and they become unsustainable. Andrew pointed out that for anything to work long term it has to be sustainable and then he also pointed out that it was Sunday and I deserved some down time. He took the Bugg and we watched the Emmy's. I put it back on before bed, but not after promising myself to chill out a bit (or be less crazy, according to Andrew). Of course i want this to work, but I don't want to kill myself in the process (or end up bulimic again).
Eventually, I will find my balance. For now, I just need to focus and not be so damn hard on myself.
Tonight we are going for a run downtown and then tomorrow I'm back to the Shred. My goal is to be up to level 2 by the end of the week. I've heard its KILLER, but I'm determined. Like Jillian always says, "nothing comes for free.."

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